im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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