I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
