How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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