Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
