I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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