Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
