And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
