there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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