I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
