Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
