JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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