I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
this must be what syphilis tastes like
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
