aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
