I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
