my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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