shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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