I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
