I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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