she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
