I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
