I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
