Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
