just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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