mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize