Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
