i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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