He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
