i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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