I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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