at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
