Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
