we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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