I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
