I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
