i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
