flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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