Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Drunk is not a location!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
