your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
