The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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