An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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