I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
