i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
