If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
