He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we're making bets on your personal life
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
