She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
