You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
did i walk over a car last night?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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