I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
