Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
