If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
