I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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