you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
