I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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