this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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