What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
