It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
