dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
