Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
