Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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