Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
